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I secretly want this experiment to be an utter disaster.

I love the internet, social media and all things digital so the idea my life is better without it pains me. If it hadn’t been for the internet I wouldn’t have been able to create a job where I can stay home all day, spend my time being creative and basque in blissful solitude. That being said, something is off and I’m craving change.

Enter a 30 day digital declutter experiment which officially started yesterday.

The last thing I want to be is one of those know-it-all Nelly Olsen’s who swans around social media claiming how great they feel after a detox resulting in the rest of us feeling shamed. I just want to feel better about the time I do spend online. I want to feel like it means something and it’s adding some sort of value.

I feel confident that I’ve tackled the physical clutter side of my life and even the relationship clutter side. I’m aching to tackle the digital side and the mental clutter this causes me. I’ve tried to tackle it before and although I’ve made some improvements, my endeavours usually result in failure. I attempt to only follow accounts which make me feel good but I feel tricked into thinking they make me feel good, but if I dig a little deeper, they don’t. I ignore the limit I place on apps. I set phone free hours, turn it off and then find myself sneaking off to the toilet for a quick fix. As someone with an addictive personality I know this can’t be good.

I wouldn’t mind if my current digital consumption habits felt good but as much as I hate to admit it – they don’t. I’m increasingly nervous to post on my Instagram grid because it feels like so much pressure and I’ve been determined to try to only show up online in a way that feels good. I don’t feel as though there’s a place for the everyday photos I like to post anymore. As much as I enjoy the creative work of others, I have no desire to become a photoshop genius. On the other hand I enjoy curating an aesthetic as a creative exercise and this is the original reason I fell in love with instagram and found a community on there. With all the ‘social media is evil’ press, I can worry this curated approach I enjoy is sneered at as inauthentic. I know how ridiculous this is because I know my self-worth isn’t wrapped up in likes or follows or what others think, yet I still feel affected. Even with my only showing up when I have something I want to say approach, my relationship feels in need of fixing.

My DM inbox is becoming a scary place where I feel more and more anxious about opening messages in case they’re people calling me out for something they disagree with or trolling me. When I scroll (and I do a lot of scrolling) I’ve found myself feeling numb to social media. Photos don’t captivate me like they used to and authentic conversation feels more difficult to find than ever. The joy I used to feel seems to have depleted, yet I continue to chase it.

Worse than my increasing boredom of the internet and mindless scrolling, I feel as though my relationships and creativity are suffering. My husband moans about my phone use and I can understand why. I’m sick of the desperation to check it and cycle through my compulsive auto-pilot ‘checking’ of apps when we’re supposed to be spending quality time together in the evenings or on holidays. I average 4 hours a day according to my screen time section in settings and when I think about how much more I’d like to write, photograph, discover new inspiration, get bored and daydream, these hours feel wasted.

After a conversation with my friend Jen around how I want to get out of the echo chamber and reassess the content I’m consuming, she recommended a book she’d been enjoying – digital minimalism (affiliate link). I used my audible credit for the month to download and set it going at 1.5 speed. I thought I would’ve heard everything this book had to say before but it’s been a real eye opener.

I nodded along until I got to the 30 day digital declutter chapter. I’m not sure about this, I thought. It was my temptation to skip over it that got me intrigued. To have had such a strong ‘I can’t do that’ reaction gave me all the more motivation to give it a go. I’m GREAT at decluttering – so why did this idea worry me?

I’ve been attempting monthly Sunday detoxes since January and I’ve found them tough. I think of my phone as the forbidden fruit and honestly it just makes the temptation worse. This book has given me another avenue to ponder – I’ve started thinking of my phone as consumerism. When you break it down there is very little difference between compulsive spending and compulsive digital addiction – both fill the pockets of those trying to pull our strings and distract us from intentionality. Reframing the way I see my phone feels like a major shift. After embracing a simpler, more minimal lifestyle I know how much better my life is with a heightened awareness and a resistance of consumerism. Intentionality feels much better. Now I’m wondering how different my digital life is?

To be clear, this 30 day declutter isn’t a digital detox. It’s my attempt at a digital mindset shift so I can salvage my love of the internet before it disappears completely. There is good there, I know it. I’m not going down the deprivation route either. I’m replacing what I’m giving up with better, more fulfilling joys – according to the book I’m using as my guide this is key and not doing so is the reason most declutters fail. More reading, writing, daydreaming, exercise, creating and real life connection is my grand plan.

As I said I love all things digital and I have no plans to trade my iPhone in for an old flip phone, but I’m interested to see what happens when I experiment with less. My hope is to cultivate mindful habits so I don’t need set boundaries in place at all – similar to the stage I’m at with my consumption of physical stuff.

I’m craving more joy and connection online, is less of it the answer? They say constraints breed creativity.

Here’s how digital minimalism (affiliate link) advises going about it. This is a brief overview and if you fancy making changes of your own I’d highly recommend reading or listening to the whole thing.

Take a break from optional technologies for 30 days
Explore activities and behaviours I find satisfying and meaningful during those 30 days
At the end of 30 days, reintroduce optional tech starting from a blank slate, determining the value of it and specifically how I’ll use it to maximise these values

I don’t want this experiment to feel like deprivation in any way and if it does I’ll do what I need to do to change that. I’ve been as realistic, kind and gentle with myself as possible whilst also being firm when it came to what I’m trying to go without and what I’m keeping. Separating optional from going without would harm or significantly disrupt the daily operation of my professional or personal life was an interesting exercise and one I’d recommend anyone spend some time contemplating.

What I’m keeping and the conditions I decided on

My phone and everything I use for work (without using work as an excuse for everything)
I’ve limited app screen time to the hours of 9am – 7pm and although I’ve always allowed texts, whatsapps and calls
Texts and Whatsapp – as someone who spends 90% of her time alone I have no desire to cut myself off from friends and family. I have however turned notifications off so I can check them with intention
Email – with the condition I’ll only check it once a day
Instagram – an essential place I share my work with the world, find inspiration and connect with people who enjoy my work, but I’ve set a one hour limit on the app
Audible – because it helps me read more and that cannot be a bad thing
Photography apps – those I use frequently for planning and editing
Notes – I like to record ideas here when I’m out and about without a notebook
Hormonolgy tracking app – tracking my cycle increases my self-awareness and I find it really useful
Headspace – I can’t be without Andy or meditation
Spotify – Optional yes but music brings me so much joy and isn’t a source of distraction for me
Travel apps that get me around
Telly – I’ve set the condition that it has be something specific that I actually want to watch and not background noise
Newsletters – ones I enjoy and find meaningful only so I’ll be unsubscribing throughout the month
Podcasts – two per week though I don’t feel these are a source of distraction for me

What I got rid of

Mail app on my phone so I can only check emails on my laptop
Pinterest app but I still plan to schedule pins once a week on my laptop as 90% of people discover this blog and my work via Pinterest
Facebook app – I really don’t like Facebook but it’s useful to keep up with e-course groups I’m part of and follow the horse show world as lots of people post results and updates on here
Facebook messenger app
Twitter app
Fitness apps
WordPress (blog) app
Paypal app
Ebay
Banking apps
Skillshare app
Airbnb app
Trip advisor app
Goodreads app
Ikea app
Acast as it’s a duplicate podcast app
Astrology zone app
Habit app
Youtube app
Rightmove app
News apps – I’m planning to get newspapers once a week instead
Editing apps I haven’t used in over a year
Scrolling websites – unless I specifically need to check or order something

At the end of the 30 days (if I make it) I’ll reintroduce whatever I want based on how the declutter has gone. I’m feeling excited to see what comes up during the next month.

So far I just feel anxious. I woke up this morning and insisted to my husband I was suffering the equivalent of nicotine withdrawal symptoms. He laughed these claims off as over dramatic but I’m sticking to my guns. I do not feel good. Having said that, anxiety aside – this morning I read two magazines, wrote and sent out my latest simple letter and now I’ve written this blog post. Maybe I’m onto something?

Is it strange I want to report back with feelings of being sad, deprived, uninspired and lonely with restricted access to my phone? I want to prove that my phone is in fact a source of great joy, inspiration and connection and I just needed to shift my relationship with it, but I’m being open minded. My initial thoughts are perhaps I need to think of restricted phone use less as keeping stuff out and more as protecting the good stuff that’s most important to me. However it goes, it’ll make for something to write about.

Let me know if you’ve previously tried or decide to try and make some changes of your own. What would be on your non-negotiables list? Let me know in the comments.