My word for 2019: Acceptance
I’m in the bath and there it is.
Like a lighter that sparks the flame. Just like that I’d got my word. Strangely, I have a lot of great ideas in the bath. It’s become a regular thing.
2018 was my first year of having a ‘word’. Before this it was always new year’s resolutions and I rarely kept a single one. I’m not a huge fan of goals to be honest, I find they’re a stick to beat myself with. You set one and you achieve it – great – what’s next? It never ends. You set one and you don’t achieve it – congratulations you feel like a loser. I’m more of a direction kinda girl. Always looking towards the horizon to make sure I’m heading the right way, but slowly slowly learning that I’ll never actually get there – and that’s ok.
Back to my word, what on earth is a word of the year? It sounds like some sort of award that’s handed out. Well, I guess it is. It’s one you hand out to yourself – a word that is. Think of it like a basket of breadcrumbs to use as a guide and follow throughout the year.
My word for 2018 was wholehearted. Last Christmas I worked my way through Jen Carrington’s your wholehearted year book and then read the gifts of imperfection by Brene Brown. After reading Brene’s definition, wholehearted was a no brainer for me. I wrote down each part Brene talks about in her book and I’ve carried on my shoulder as my word for the duration of 2018.
It’s worked.
When I felt scared, stuck, out of my depth or comfort zone I’ve turned to my word. I’ve leaned into vulnerability and relaxed my shoulders – a little at first – and eventually to the point where I think nothing of sticking my face on Instagram stories now or turning up to a party where I hardly know anybody. Instagram lives are still tricky for me – but I think they always will be. From a things point of view, I’ve become more aware of my chronic perfectionism and consistently challenged it. It turns out resting in the imperfect is where it’s at. This shift has been good for me, because it’s raised a new level of awareness and I’ve been able to push back. I see my perfectionism in a whole new light these days. It’s not the friend I thought it was.
Back to 2019.
My word for 2019, the one that came to me in the bath, is acceptance.
I’ve always had a tendency to force things you see. Refusing to accept how things are and always wanting to change details. I tend to constantly look forwards instead of accepting where I am right now. I tend to think about how I’ll feel when the cottage is exactly how I want it, even if the vision in my head will never match the reality. But things are what they are – myself included. Others too. I also need to accept others for how they are. One of my biggest lessons in 2018 is I cannot choose how people show they love me, in particular my family. I have to accept.
Perhaps my greatest challenge is being open to and accepting what the universe is sending me, especially the good stuff. Most people talk about the fear of failure, but I’ve come to learn I’m more afraid of success. Enter self sabotage. Failure feels familiar but believing I’m worthy of success is a whole new mindset for me. But its one I’m looking forward to leaning into. I’m tired of fighting with and trying to control all of the opportunities and fate (good and bad) that come my way. Acceptance feels like a natural more personal step up from wholehearted and much easier way of being for the next year.
The recurring theme of my wholehearted 2018 year, therapy, taking my blog full time, hosting my first retreats, launching my ebook and ecourse, renovating an 18th century cottage all the while sailing beside my grief – God it’s been a big year – is that acceptance is a game changer.
Here’s what acceptance means to me.
Acceptance means accepting myself for who I am and giving myself a break. It means looking for the beauty in the imperfect. It means leaning into the discomfort of just being where I am right now instead of constantly looking forwards and never being where I want to be.
It’s not forcing things. It’s accepting the stone on the newer part of the cottage will always be a yellow sandstone instead of the grey stone that makes up our porch. It’s accepting I’ll never be able to write the way I want to in my head, but I can write the best I can at that time. And that’s enough.
Acceptance also means accepting myself and everything around me just as it is (how very Mark Darcy of me I know) and being ok with that – finding the beauty in it. I will never be the person who gets up at 6am every day and has everything done ahead of schedule – I have and probably always will be very last minute. I’ll always be the person who writes the birthday card in the car outside the party before I go in. So instead of trying to be the 6am ahead of schedule person, I’m going to start working with and harnessing what I’ve got instead. Deadlines actually make me super productive, hello setting myself more deadlines!
If I could just accept my situation and daily moments that make up my day I think I’ll be much happier, more at ease. I think my work will flourish, but more than that I think I’ll enjoy the – wait for it – ‘journey’ more. I think my writing and photography will feel easier and flow the way I want it to – be less contrived.
I feel like my word for 2019 started to manifest back in June when I went on a mini retreat with Kayte, but it’s been flashing brighter and brighter as the rest of the year has gone on. And its been the tiniest of signposts.
It’s been signposts like reading Michelle Obama’s words ‘your story is what you have, what you will always have. It is something to own’ and feeling completely inspired to accept my own story instead of trying to force it to fit with all the others I see online. Or when I visited my friend Sara last month and we had a conversation about photography styling. I was telling her how I always struggle to create the photos I want to and she said ‘I think loosely styled is the key. Don’t over do it’. It’s also been signposts like books cropping up again and again when I’ve so desperately wanted to write my own. It feels like everyone I know is writing or has written a book and its been just what I needed to make me feel like I can too.
So I’m looking forward to taking the pressure off myself in 2019. Not just for not being be the photographer I want to be right now aka Local Milk, but in every way possible. I’m looking forward to recognising where I am in my journey matters and I must accept it. I want to accept it – and find the joy in it. Being at the beginning can be really fun if you let it. From a work perspective, I’m not going to be at the same stage those who have been on the same journey as me for 5 years are. I don’t think any of us are even on the same journey. I think we’re all on our own.
Going back to Michelle’s point in Becoming – it’s our story that we’ve got and it’s our story that matters. I’ll be accepting that. Resting in that acceptance. I think life will be better. I’ll enjoy it more. I’ll find the joy in the now and be a heck of a lot kinder to myself. This is what I’m hoping anyway.
Here are are some tips for finding your own word for the year…
-Finding your word is a strategy thing
-Ask yourself where are you now? What brings you the most joy? What isn’t serving you?
-Ask yourself where do you want to be this time next year? What do you want to do more of and what do you want to do less of?
-And then ask yourself how are you going to get there? What word will be the breadcrumbs that lead you there?
There are entire retreats dedicated to guiding you towards finding your right word of the year. But if that’s not for you these will get you started.
-Jen Carrington’s your wholehearted year book
-Hannah Bullivant’s January book
-This Being Boss podcast episode
Have you got your 2019 word of the year yet? Let me know what you come up with.
Oh and the happiest of Christmases to you! Wishing you all the best things for 2019, whatever your word is xx
