What happened to rest?
Back in primary school I had a friend called Vanessa.
She lived around the corner from my nan and grandad’s house and she was my favourite friend to play with. Her imagination rivalled mine and we’d have so much fun playing wild made up games together. The only problem was Vanessa’s mum was incredibly strict about the amount of rest she got. Oh how this got in the way of my fun.
My mum would drop me off at nan and grandad’s before heading off to the hospital to do a shift and I’d race round to Vanessa’s only to be told she was resting. I’d slump back to my grandparent’s where I’d have to find my own outlandish game to play until Vanessa was allowed to come out and play again. Twenty five years later I finally see where Vanessa’s mum was coming from. More than that I admire her for it.
I cannot remember the last time I felt encouraged by society to rest. Shop excessively? Yes. Work harder and longer hours? Yes. Maximise my productivity beyond human capacity? Yes.
What happened to rest?
The discussion around self-care is gathering much needed momentum but I feel more encouraged to create an instagramable self-care routine than I do to simply take the time I need to rest. Surely rest is the foundation for our lives. Despite what the latest how to be superhuman book tells us, without rest there’s no way we can function. In his excellent book why we sleep (affiliate link) Matthew Walker explains just how important our sleep is. Under no circumstances should we be sacrificing our sleep for productivity or the latest must have morning routine. Consequences include increased risk of heart disease, cancer, obesity and lower life expectancy. This isn’t a fad or a trend, our requirement for rest and the impact not having enough can have is science.
I think we can extend this science to general rest too. Not being in a state of work or hurried living and lowering our expectations for ourselves is a great gift we forget we are allowed to give to ourselves. Being unable to operate at 100% at all times doesn’t make us lazy or unproductive and it doesn’t mean we’re failing. On the contrary I’d argue that those who prioritise their rest and refuse to feel guilty about it are the definition of success. We all deserve a piece of that pie. Nobody is handing out medals for running ourselves into the ground.
Last week I gave myself a week off. No work, no social media and no emails (unless it was an emergency). Signing that permission slip was a cocktail of guilt. Giving yourself time off when you’re self-employed is notoriously difficult and we tend to come up with every excuse under the sun to talk ourselves out of it first. Following that I’ve felt more pressure than ever to be present, be productive and make the most of all the extra time we’re said to have while we’re on on lockdown.
What I really needed was rest. And not to increase my productivity or return to the digital world in a smug state because I’d deleted my social media apps and had the best week ever. That wasn’t the case. I had a very mediocre week pottering about, rewatching the O.C and trying to learn how to watercolour. I haven’t returned full of energy or chomping at the bit of inspiration. My first day back at work was anxiety fuelled and full of what if I’ve forgotten how to do this thoughts. Still, I needed that week off because I needed it, because I’m human – and that’s enough of a reason. I know future me will be grateful.
It’s understandable that giving ourselves permission to rest can feel unacceptable. Our lives are faster than they’ve ever been, we have endless options and expectations to juggle and there’s always something to miss out on. It feels more acceptable to tell our friends and neighbours we’re busy than it does to say we’re having a calm and slow week off because we felt like it. What would they think of us?This shouldn’t be the case. Giving ourselves the rest we need should be as celebrated and applauded as hard work and dedication.
The cultural norms we have to navigate don’t change our make up as humans. We all need to rest in order to bloom. Rest is as essential for us as the air we breathe and I think we’ll all be better off for remembering that. I’ve scheduled another week off in a few months time and I’m determined to take it no matter what. I’m cheering you on to be your own Vanessa’s mum and put a requirement on the amount of rest you need, even when a whole lot of fun and temptation comes eagerly knocking at your door.
