Why we should keep our expectations low
I turned 33 last month. It could’ve been lockdown, it could’ve been the fact this was my first birthday with my estranged dad or it could’ve just been a moment of pure insanity but I found myself uttering the words… I want a fuss this year.
As Julia Roberts said in Pretty Woman - big mistake. Huge!
What followed was the most overwhelmingly emotional and highly tense birthday I can remember. Nothing lived up to the expectations glittering through my head, those who made more effort than they usually do disappointed me more than ever and in the end I was happy the day was over.
I couldn’t complain about the efforts made for me and I had all the ingredients for a more than lovely day, the problem was I’d set the bar way too high. My usual grateful simple loving self who doesn’t even expect a card and insists on no presents was nowhere to be seen. I was impossible to please and I know my over inflated expectations were to blame.
As such I’ve put together a list of why we should keep expectations low, not just for birthdays but in general, in case my high expecting alter ego tries to make an appearance again. The list felt worthy of a share with you this week in case you struggle with expectations too.
The abundant opportunities for joy
Lowering our expectations of ourselves, others and events opens us up to the unexpected, spontaneous and often most joyful moments in life. The little surprise we were’t expecting is much more exciting that the mountain of presents we’d hoped for. Even a birthday card is a happy gift when our expectations are low enough.
Low expectations make us more compassionate
We’re much more likely to embrace other people’s flawed yet human behaviour when we expect less from them. This makes for a much less stressful relationship with just about everyone we encounter in life. Family, friends, colleagues and even strangers in the supermarket are far less likely to disappoint us if we expect less from them.
Gratitude is the gateway to happiness
When we expect less we’re more grateful for what we get. We can lean into the tiniest ordinary moments and feel grateful for them. The good news is gratitude is the gateway to happiness. It’s better to be grateful and happy than over expectant and constantly disappointed. Author and neuroscientist Robb Rutledge says, “Happiness depends not on how well things are going but whether things are going better or worse than expected.”
Contentment feels better than improvement
We’re all used to feeling envious (and suspicious) of the perfection we see online. We’re all guilty of portraying our lives in a slightly shinier light online too. This fosters a culture of striving for improvement and leaves us all wanting more. Improvement can be great but having tested both I can confirm contentment feels so much better.
Having low expectations is an act of self-love that allows us to truly love who we and others are no matter what. I think we could all use more of this right now so I’m cheering us all on to indulge.
