The importance of dressing for yourself
I’m staring at myself. I’m checking my outfit in the mirror, about to set off to meet a friend, and I snap my usual Instagram stories outfit shot.
I felt so comfy and surprisingly confident compared to how I used to feel, once upon a time in my clothes. I chose a long sleeve fit and flare black dress, a beige oversized rollback sweater, opaque black tights and black brogues. Apart from my legs the shape of my body was pretty much masked. Knowing what my husband would say I purposely trotted up the stairs to show him what I was wearing. ‘What do you think?’ I ask.
‘Lovely’ he says
‘Frumpy?’ I ask.
‘Yep’ he laughs. And I laugh right back.
I knew he’d think this. I know he prefers clothes that show my figure, are a little tighter and shorter. After all, Kylie is to him what Colin Firth is to me. I know his tastes, but here’s the thing – I do not dress for husband. Nor do I dress for my mother, or my friends or anyone else who has an opinion on what I should or shouldn’t be wearing. I dress for myself. He gets that, hence all the laughter.
The sad thing is the importance of dressing for ourselves is something we’re rarely taught, especially as little girls. I don’t know about you but subconsciously, as in it was never said out loud, I feel I was raised to dress for others, and men in particular. This is no failing on my mum’s part, I believe we’re all raised this way and have been for centuries. Pretty dresses, lipstick and colour were high on the agenda where as once it would have been the tightest corset I could stand without fainting. At no point did anyone ask me what my tastes were, what I felt comfortable in or what my personal style was. The standard had already been set for me. It’s taken years of unraveling conditioning and honing my wardrobe skills to finally start dressing for myself – and you couldn’t drag me back to dressing for others if you tried.
In case you’re in any kind of doubt, here are five reasons to start dressing for yourself.
You deserve to feel good
Contrary to what consumerism and the patriarchy tells us, we deserve to feel good in our clothes. We don’t have to deprive ourselves of clothes that make us feel good, play into the hot mess trend or entertain those that’s not for people like me thoughts. Clothes are lovely, but they’re also an emotional beast and it’s up to us to make them work for us instead of against us. Wearing what feels good because YOU love it, is always a step in the right direction.
Your opinion is the only one that matters
As humans we’re wired to want approval from others. It’s what kept us safe back in the caveman days. This desire for approval hasn’t been weeded out of us just yet ,but it’s worth seeing those thoughts for what they are – fear. It’s then worth asking yourself what’s the worst that can happen? It’s highly unlikely your safety is at risk.
How can we cultivate a strong sense of self if we constantly wrap our worth up in the opinions of others? Of course it feels great to be complimented, anyone who tells you different is lying. But the fragility of this kind of worth is terrifying. It only takes one comment to crush us. The real strength lies in cultivating approval from within. Nobody can shake that kind of strength and you can stand on the weight of it.
Confidence is everything
The confidence that shines through when we feel comfortable in our clothes trumps what others think we look good in every single time. I stand a little taller in clothes I love, I don’t hunch my shoulders and this works a little bit of magic on my brain. Positive body language makes me feel confident, powerful and this all stems from my clothes. For an inspirational Ted Talk on the importance of body language when it comes to confidence give Amy Cuddy a watch.
You know what’s best for you
The thought of already having all the answers inside can be both terrifying and liberating. It’s liberating if you can finally give yourself permission to start listening to that gut feeling you’ve been ignoring. It can be terrifying if, like me, you haven’t spoken to your intuition in years. It’s a daily practice but it will come. We’re so quick to question ourselves when we already have the answers inside. If we’re the one who has to wear it, surely we should be the one to choose it. Focus on how YOU feel and you’ll gradually turn the volume up on that all knowing gut voice of yours.
It’s a liberating feeling to feel like your true self
I truly believe that happiness comes from a strong sense of self. The truer to myself I feel the fewer comparison traps I fall into, the less a negative comment on Instagram or my blog will bother me and the more joy I feel when I look in the mirror. By no means am I walking talking tower of rock solid self assurance, but with tiny acts like putting on the clothes that make me feel good in the morning I’m on my way to building a tower that’s harder to shake.
Do you struggle with blocking out the noise and dressing for yourself or have you got it to a fine art?
