I’m determined to find the positives when it comes to lockdown.

One thing I’m feeling particularly grateful for is a fresh appreciation for my relationships. Forced deprivation has shown me just how precious they are and I’m enjoying seeing people more than ever. I recently read lots of us are are realising what’s important to us personally and what isn’t thanks to lockdown. Our own mortality being highlighted has a dramatic way of shining a spot light on our lives. A similar thing happened to me after my cervical cancer all clear. It’s what started my quest for a simpler life in the first place.

Being deprived of our normal lives throughout lockdown has given us all an opportunity to reflect. Hell for some and heaven for others, I’m wondering what came up for you? Anything? Nothing? I’m thinking this is the ideal chance to rebuild how we spend our most precious resource – our time. This is something so many of us fantasise about doing but our habitual busy lives make it feel too difficult to stick a spanner in the works. Well, coronavirus has done that for us. Habits and routines have been broken, what’s really important has been highlighted, people have shown their true colours and in a weird way we’re staring at a fresh start.

Our inherent social nature can make it difficult for us to take control of our lives because to do so it’s essential we learn to say no, and often. A chronic people pleaser at heart, I’ve been practising saying no for years and it can still make me feel queasy. We find it so difficult to say no because we like to feel like we belong, and saying no can feel incredibly confrontational for us. The good news is there’s infinite power in the word no and getting comfortable with it can transform our lives for the better, literally overnight.

The thing with people pleasing is it makes us feel like a good person in the short term but over the longer term it doesn’t tend to work out very well for us. We’re left stretched way too thin, feeling resentful and out of tune with ourselves. Whether we realise it or not we’re always saying either yes or no. There is always a trade off when it comes to our time because when we say yes to one thing we’re saying no to everything else we could be doing with that time. Taking control of our time is therefore a necessity and doesn’t make us selfish, it makes us intentional.

Saying yes to things that most reflect our values (if you don’t know what these are my ebook A Simplified Life takes you through my favourite process of finding them) is my personal favourite motivator. I’ve found having a solid understanding of the why behind my decisions and having a long term goal or vision in place helps the words come a lot easier. When it comes to saying no I like to use my intuition as my guide, if it isn’t a hell yes it’s a clear no. Sometimes I need to do a little more unpicking of course, I might be feeling afraid of a new opportunity or on the reclusive side and I need to give myself a little nudge I’ll be grateful for later, but on the whole this mantra is my go to for testing the waters and making a decision.

Remember it’s ok to start small if you’re someone who feels you have to say yes to everything. Realising you have a choice will create an exciting snowball effect and you’ll be reclaiming oodles of your time before you know it. If you’re someone who worries about appearing stand offish or confrontational, in my experience our own assertiveness is never perceived as strong as we think. Even if we’re feeling confrontational, the chances of the other person feeling the same way is minute.

In case you’re ready to seize the opportunity, this week I thought I’d share some of my favourite ways to say no without over justifying or feeling awful about it. Feel free to use them interchangeably as and when you need them.

I’d love to but I’m overcommitted right now so I’ll have to pass.

I’m focusing on x right now but I’d love to once things are wrapped up. Let me know if you can get together at the end of the autumn.

You’re so kind to ask me and I wish I had Hermione Granger’s time turner but I don’t. I’m going to have to decline.

I know everybody is eager to get back to normal, but it feels too soon for me.

I know I typically say yes, but this time, I can’t.

As much as I’d love to see everyone, I’m not ready yet, but soon.

Thank you so much for inviting me, but I don’t feel ready to attend gatherings just yet. How about we do it at a future date?

Thanks so much for the invite, but I won’t be able to make it.

This post was originally one of my simple letters which I send out to the beautiful community of email subscribers that surround this blog. If you’d like to receive letters like this from me straight to your inbox you can sign up here.